A brave Portlaoise mother of three says she has no regrets about going public on her depression and attempted suicide, and hopes that her honesty will help others.
Theresa Mulhall said she thought about the fall-out and felt it was worth it if her social media post helps others.
“I am really happy I did the post and have got very positive feedback,” she said.
She has given a very honest account of her own mental illness which saw her end up in a psychiatric unit after a suicide attempt.
She had been concerned that she might lose friends by going public on her own painful story, but she says she has received nothing but a positive response.
She said that seeing people like actress Dawn French and author Emma Kennedy like or retweet her story on social media “is a little overwhelming”.
However, she says the importance of transparency and honesty can’t be underestimated, along with how vital it is to just talk about your problems.
She said people often can’t understand how a person with a young family, in her case three children, can feel so low, but she said no-one is immune to depression.
“There is a stigma about mental health. But people who are married and have children have depression. Depression isn’t discerning about who it affects,” she said.
She said the mental health support group, Aware, has been hugely helpful for her. She said more meetings are required to reach people throughout Laois and neighbouring counties, as many people have to travel quite a distance to attend meetings in Portlaoise.
“My advice is to talk. No-one can read your mind. Doctors can only go by what you tell them and people can only help if they know what’s going on in your mind,” she said.
One of the reasons she spoke out is that many people wrongly believe that they are the only ones feeling the way they do, but she wanted to let others know her own story so they might open up. She said talk therapy has helped her greatly and empowered her. “You are the only one that can save you. You have to save yourself. People are looking for help but you have to try to help yourself. You have to be your own saviour,” she said.
Below is Theresa’s post in full:
“One year ago today I woke up in a psychiatric unit. The previous evening I had attempted to commit suicide.
I was a thirty-one year old woman with three beautiful sons (at the time a three-year-old, a two-year-old and a three-month-old), a wonderful supportive husband, a roof over my head and no major ‘worries’.
I had been struggling heavily with major depression, which had led to an eating disorder, teamed with self-harm, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. Over many, many, years these illnesses escalated (sometimes better, sometimes worse) until I had no hope left in my mind.
The loss of my mother-in-law five months earlier left me distraught. An additional layer of self-hatred grew because I felt like I was letting my husband down; that I could not be stronger for him, that I was ‘stealing his grief’ (in my mind) as my own grief about her absence consumed me. The guilt of not being able to ‘fix myself’ with so much to live for. The guilt of my eating disorder controlling my last pregnancy (no harm came to Noah, thank God). All of these issues compounded with my existing major depressive disorder deemed suicide the only answer, the kindest thing to do.
I may lose friends by sharing this post today as a lot of people have a view of suicide as selfish. But it isn’t selfish. It is the act of a person whose mind & body have been fully worn down by a devastating illness. At this stage of depression and/or an eating disorder (or any other similar mental health condition) rationality no longer exists.
Twelve months on I no longer feel like I’m struggling. I’m fighting. Recovery is by no means perfect. It’s not a straight line. It’s full of ups, downs, setbacks, relapses and little leaps forward.
The advice I want to give to anyone struggling with depression, panic attacks, obsessive compulsions, eating issues, suicidal ideas or any other mental health problems is to talk.
Talk.
Really talk.
Talk until you can’t stand the sound of your own voice.
I still fight most of the issues I’ve mentioned and some of them are completely in the past. After a lot of support, a lot of talking, a huge amount of resistance & fear (fear of change and fear of the unknown), a lot of medication (not as much now), a lot of Aware group support meetings (highly recommended by the way), the most amazing pyschotherapist, regular contact with my community mental health nurse, further hospitalisation during the year and a decent amount of weight gain, I now know in my heart and in my head that life is to be fought for.
I take every opportunity to remind myself that I am meant to be here on this earth…when I hear my children laugh…when I see our bathroom door still broken from that night 12 months ago (thank you Shane)…when I feel my fading scars…when I touch the food I prepare for our family…when I smell my husband’s clothes (yes that last one is weird, but true).
I’ll say it again:
Talk.
Talk until you can’t talk anymore.
People can’t read your mind.
You have to be open and honest.
Talk.
Trust the people around you.
Trust your doctors.
Trust yourself.
Talk to a therapist to learn about yourself.
Find out where your issues come from (if you can).
Take your medication (if needed).
Look after yourself and then you can look after others.
