As the Rose of Tralee gets set to dominate our TV screens for the next two nights, be prepared for the likes of Twitter to go into meltdown with smart-alec comments.
There are plenty of things every year that just never change.
1. The Roses that are a bit of craic never win
2. Neither does the hottest one
3. The escorts are only there because they passed the Garda vetting.
4. You’re now too old to be a Rose or an escort
5. The Rose of Tralee growing up always reminded you it was time to go back to school
6. Your mother covered your school books in wallpaper while you watched the roses
7. You’ve probably had a bet on the winner of the rose of Tralee – Ann Marie Bowe was robbed and PP owe me €20
8. It’s hard to beat the joy your mother, sister or wife experience when they see a shockingly bad dress
9. As soon as the Rose says she’s doing a poem you know she hasn’t a hope of winning
10. By the third or fourth dead granny story we’re all sick of it
11. Gay Byrne helped take off more skirts than a dress fitter
12. The Dubai and Abu Dhabi roses are Irish
13. The Roscommon rose is a Syrian from Ballyhaunis
14. It’s a scandal that the Healy Raes aren’t judging it
15. Daithi O’Se should always come with subtitles
16. You couldn’t get a cowshed in Tralee on Air BnB during the festival
17. You need a calculator to work out what percentage Irish the American Roses are
18. There’s always an American Rose whose father’s grandfather’s horse was from some kip in Westmeath and the whole village get tickets into the Dome.
19. You wonder how your parents used watch it without drinking wine
20. If you play a drinking game where you take a shot every time Daithi says mighty craic you won’t make the break for the 9 o’clock news
21. The winner gets a crown and essentially an unpaid internship for a year.
22. We all want to see the after show wrap party when the Roses open the prosecco and slag off the escorts
23. The guy that wins escort of the year is the one who brought enough Lynx to last the full festival
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