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Mark Doheny: 20 things you’ll know if you ever worked on the bog

Footing turf on the bog. Always hardship, often misery and sometimes great craic.

Anyone who has ever spent a day at it will relate to some of this.

1 – Turf mull gets everywhere and I do mean everywhere.

2 – Old lads are mad for turning turf first.

3 – The pain in your thighs and backside after a day footing turf are akin to childbirth.

4 – Your dad always tricked you into rushing down the rows saying the first finished was the winner. The winner’s parents had oil heating

5 – Despite the fact the shed was full of turf and everyone was sick of the sight of it, your father would still pull in and pick up stray sods on the road.

6 – There’s nothing tighter than a neighbor who doesn’t pay you for working at their turf.

7 – Your parents will volunteer your services to neighbors just to get a break from looking at you

8 – Everything tastes good after a day’s work on the bog. You’re so hungry you could eat your own arse and go back looking for more

9 – Bringing tea to the bog in anything other than a plastic bottle was considered notions for years.

10 – A dry sod of turf was a dangerous weapon you could throw and claim it was an accident when it smacked your target.

11 – My family seemed to have very poor aim as I was hit by many stray sods.

12 – The real test of any relationship was the first time their family dragged you to the bog.

13 – Illness and death were not excuses for getting out of the turf. Having to play a minor semi-final that evening was thank god.

14 – It’s never theft if they left a heap slightly closer to your turf than the rest. Accidents happen.

15 – Telling somebody there was a Portaloo on the far side of the bog was funny but you had better be gone by the time they walked back.

16 – Pre health and safety days kids coming home on the top of the trailer load of turf was the norm.

17 – You’re officially a grown up when you’re allowed use the beet sprang

18 – Growing up you envied the cousin with scoliosis, he only had to draw home the turf.

19 – Farmers often only bought fertiliser so they’d be able to bag the turf.

20 – After years of footing turf you’ve probably got oil or gas yourself but you’ll still volunteer your kids to the neighbors.

SEE ALSO – Mark Doheny: 15 things you’ll remember if you went clubbing in Egan’s

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Castletown native Mark Doheny is a rising star of the Irish Comedy Scene. Winner of the Prestigious Craic Attack competition in 2011 Mark has established himself on the Irish Comedy Circuit, appearing at The Cat Laughs, Galway Comedy and Halloween Howls Comedy Festivals. He is resident MC of Kavanaghs Comedy Club Portlaoise and a popular act on the Irish comedy circuit has supported Tommy Tiernan, Bernard O'Shea, Pat Shortt, PJ Gallagher and Jason Byrne to name but a few. His new show “Bigly Notions” will be touring later this spring and he has written his first play which is due to be produced before the end of the year.